The Devil's Keyboards are Idle Playthings

Ummmm... I'm not a mathematician but I'm pretty certain there's a mathematical law in play here. I'm willing to put money on the idea that any whole number between 1 and 9 when lined up next to the word computer or calculation will equal the triple digit of that number. 1's = 111, 2's = 222, etc... (pssst... I did it on a spreadsheet and it works).

The saddest part of this story (and there's a couple) are the leaps made from one thought to the next to their intended conclusion.

Jack lays out his primise. (These are in context).

"How computers will be able to track all of us"
"How will 666 be calculated? All right?"
"You can take that listing by A to Z and make those numbers by sixes and then do it for yourself"

Van Impe then adds up the numbers (factors of 6) that correspond to the word computer and amazingly comes up with a sum of 666. Divine calculation? If I didn't know better I'd say this isn't some hokey coincidence, this is solid math. Right?

Let's see if I can follow this logic... Math originated in the Middle East. The Middle East is dominated by Muslim extremists (or pick your own evil-doer: corporations, governments, gays). Muslim extremists use laptops to store devious information to overthrow the Christian world. We're all doomed?

Van Impe goes on to say (somewhat incoherently) that...

"it means that computers are going to be used by this world dictator to control the people and the computer that calculates everything for this world, global Antichrist comes out to 666"

Jack Van Impe's wife Rexella cites him as the architect of this discovery. I think I smell plagiarism!

You know it's one thing to screw with people's rationale and logic, it's completely different to fuck with the numbers. It's like my dad always said about my math problems, either you know the answer or you don't. There's no maybe.

If you're interested in some other craziness with numbers and letters.

Achieved In The Valley Of The Dolls

TV Squad had a halarious open letter (maybe it wasn't meant to be open) from Johnny Chase to Variety. Just goes to show how full of themselves actors can be. On the otherhand if this was intened to be a "good joke", how lame...

Tack this on to Adrian Grenier's documentary about finding his long lost father. Who the fuck cares? Gee, maybe we'll find out about James Gandolfini's abusive upbringing at the hands of his drunk great grandparents. I'm waiting for the film. Players win and winner's play. Entourage, get over yourselves. Get drunk and get laid and go on to your next gig. No one gives a fuck about the Emmy but you and your Hollywood exec fucks.

When it Raines it Sucks

Ms. Smoke Tivo’d NBC’s new show Raines with Jeff Goldblum. We thought we’d give it a chance since we like some of JG’s stuff. Although the trailers suggested this show sounded a lot like NBC’s show Medium, I thought surely they wouldn’t use the same premise. Guess what? Whatever executive approved this idea should be immediately fired. Why would you do this? Trying to replicate the Law & Order formula? NBC you suck!

Barbara Falters

A couple comments about last night’s Barbara Walters Oscar Special.

1. Nothing sets the tone for the evening like having Babara delving into Ellen’s messed up childhood: neglectful mother and molesting stepfather… Woo Hoo! Those are images I want running through my head during the Oscars. Jesus Barbara, cut the woman some slack!

2. In Barbara’s intro she made a comment about the risk Eddie Murphy took by taking on the role of James “Thunder” Early in Dreamgirls. Really? What about the role of playing an obese woman in a fat suit or the release of his 1985 album - How Could It Be? And while I’m on the subject, what is it with black men playing large black women in movies? Is that funny?